Down the Secret Storm Drain
Secret Storm Drain Entrance
3 0r 4 Magicians


Away, in San Diego, BEYOND THE LIMITS of thought and
good taste, live 3 or 4 Magicians.

By casting WONDERFUL SPELLS they turn the, Most Ordinary
Earth into YEA OLDE SEWER WONDERLANDE, more or less.

to this marvelous place.

Maybe you've been taken away to a marvelous place,


SPLENDID! Go right ahead.

If you're not ready to go, the story begins on Page 7…
or 8… You'll soon BE READY FOR ANYTHING!

genemess of yea olde sewer wonderlande

The Genemess of Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande

1 In the beginning Man made the pollution and the sewers.

2 And the pollution was without form, and stunk; and darkness was
upon the land of Man. And the ignorance of Man moved upon the face of the

3 And Man said, gosh it stinks around here, let there be sewers:
And He built sewers.

4 And Man saw the sewers, that it stunk: And Man divided the sewers
from the surface.

5 And Man called the sewers Sanitation Facilities, and the surface
He called City, And the Sewer and the City were the First Mess...

Mormon Tabernacle Choir


Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of this book,
all the time, the wasted efforts and the money that it took,
the four demented authors and the food they used to eat,

those fools kept writing on.

glory, glory all their sick and rotten jokes
glory, glory all their silly slurs and pokes
glory, glory all their 'tater chips and cokes

those fools kept writing on

At first they thought they'd write a simple funny short story,
but it turned into something that they could not foresee
a monster of a novel taking five Years to complete

those fools kept writing on

glory, glory all the libel suits and trials
glory, glory all the slanders and rock piles
glory, glory all the cakes and hidden files

those fools kept writing on.

Thomas Parke D'Invilliers

Satire and generally insulting,
Revolting, poor taste,
Crude and unusual profanity,
And other good stuff, That's it.

Thomas Parke D'Invilliers

Wibbly and Gang


Dear Reader,

Most of this book stinks. The only good parts are most of all
three Chapter 10's (most of which I had to reconstruct after Steve
lost the only original copy), Chapters 16, 51, 2, the first and second
Chapters 18 and 15, both Intermissions, Rintho's Castle Tour, the
Introduction, the epigraph and almost all the footnotes (except the
Naked Thing). It was my idea to murder the Rime of the Ancient Mariner
and I solely am responsible for the creation of the Plot as a character.
Not to mention my diligent shaping and refining throughout the entire
book. I am also the only author with enough guts to openly identify
which parts I wrote.

— Jeff Turnage

Dear Readers,

Most of what anybody else wrote stinks...

Sean Richards

The Introduction to the Introduction

Hello, my name is Sean. I have been given the honors of writing the Introduction to the Introduction since I get killed later on. I didn't want to get killed, but I do. Nobody likes me, even you (go soak your head). Knowing you, you'll probably enjoy my fiendish murder. That's right! MURDER!! I sure didn't. But I'm gonna get even right here, even before I get butchered (may your farts linger on). Steve and Jeff thought I would be writing an intro to the intro, but I'm not going to. This is because I want you confused even before you start reading this book in which I get drawn and quartered. This is really a confusing book, by the way, even without this intro to the intro.

All it is about is a bunch of weird creatures running around in a huge cavern filled with cesspools and toilet bowls, making references to defecation in every other paragraph. And who wants to read crap filled with political humor, cheap puns, and last season's most popular TV shows?

Country Tales

By Way of Introduction

The following is a transcript of a tape recorded message discovered in a time capsule that was found in one of Dr. L.S.D. Leaky's archeological excavations dealing with his research into the geologically sudden disappearance of the ancient Central Central Government Complex of Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande. The capsule bore this Latin inscription: Niard M, Rots Terces N, Wod and the recorded message, with narrative included on the original, is as follows,
"What form of gods' trickery be this?" gasped Thain Hither.
"Surely harmless!" snorted Tither, Duke of Cawdor.
"Shit, it's only a tape recorder" sighed (yawn), "If you push this button…
" Click."
"Witchcraft manifest itself to mock my words!" objected Hither...

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